S.S. Starting: All Aboard The Friendship

Growing up, we hear from parents and trusted adults about how difficult it is to be a grown up. You have to pay taxes (which, we could stop the list right there, am I right?), feed yourself, show up for work, preferably put together, and clean so that you have access to more than 1 dish and staple outfit during the week. And if you are doing all of that while also being married and/or parenting, you deserve a medal! However, the perils of making and keeping friendships was never once mentioned. Now, I know, this is not a problem for some adults, as my Mama is a great example of maintaining friendships as she has buddies from all across her lifespan (I can think of at least 6 who would drop anything to help her), but this is an area of concern in my life, and I do not think I am the only 1. Especially after attending a birthday celebration where a group of at least 9 of us talked about how draining it is to meet new people.

As a child, adolescent, and young adult, there were mandatory and/or voluntary opportunities to make friends with others in school classes, clubs, and sports. It made friend-finding and friendship-building SO easy, especially if you could find someone, forced to be within proximity to you for sustained periods of time, who also happened to be the same weird as you. But now that I am older and fully in charge of my schedule/time, I seem to focus on the all-important list of adulting versus the idea of intentional living, in terms of creating and maintaining important relationships. I have turned my focus towards work, grocery shopping, house upkeep, dog training, car maintenance, exercise, and necessary relaxation time (reading and Netflix). I have also allowed surface-level interaction with my current peers (both at work and church) to become a new normal. In essence, I have been neglecting that part of my soul that really likes interacting and connecting with people outside of any work/church/family responsibilities. And as a side note: I live with my parents and have consistent interaction with members of my family, so I have a social outlet, but when I talk about "people", I mean those who have no reason to keep me around other than they want to.

I really appreciate the idea that we get what we give. It applies to everything we do from getting involved in extracurricular activities while in high school to showing up to sorority events to participating in acts of service. Being a friend is no different. I find that when I invest the time and energy to plan to meet and then show up, I am blessed by the experience, and it makes other people more willing to reciprocate, usually (don't you hate when reciprocity is the exception and not the rule?!). This is what happened within the last week. I was connecting with a friend over Instagram about her posted stories when we both expressed how much we missed each other. Instead of letting the conversation peter out with a "hope to see you soon" or, even better, "reach out if you need anything", I asked her if she was free this week. We were quickly able to set up a lunch date within 2 days of online interaction. The lunch lasted 1.5 hours, and consisted of good food, laugher, and connection, an interaction that would not have been possible if I had reverted back to my go-to platitudes, especially when using social media. Or if I let my regularly scheduled and rote, but necessary, adult tasks eat away at my spare time.

Based on this experience and my desire to have a more fulfilling social life, I am starting to be more intentional in making time for friends, putting myself in situations where I can meet new people, and showing up as my authentic self so that I can attract people who will love my beautiful but imperfect soul. All aboard the friendship, I can't wait to see you!